TOP 3 REASONS FOR SPRAYING DOOM IN YOUR FACE

Doom, jou lekker ding! Doom, you delicious thing! You have blessed me with such a delightful range of debates and intellectual engagements in my life. Last week, I sprayed myself with Doom right in the face – live on air. I was mimicking what happens to an infamous South African pastor who sprays his congregants…

DON’T ACT YOUR AGE

I had lunch with an old friend today. We both had hard childhoods and were in the same class, although neither of us were aware of the others hardships at the time. Around us, young people and pupils were laughing, having lunch, exploring fashion and enjoying being young. We sort of skipped all of that….

MOGALE TAVERN: PAP AND VLEIS AND SHUT THE FUCK UP

“Those white fucking Afrikaners,” said the black man angrily, looking straight at me. “No offence.” “None taken,” say I, a white fucking Afrikaner. We cheers merrily, with a crisp, icy cider. I can assure you that the statement was given and received with sincerity and openness. Compassion, even. More than that – relief. A reprieve…

LIQORISH (LIQUID COCAINE, AND A PIG’s MUFFIN TOP)

  “You have to try the Pear and Ginger Martini’, Mario said, with the look of a drug dealer trying to make a sale. My producer Cheryl and I were being treated to a year-end lunch at Liqorish Bistro in Bryanston’s Nicolway centre. Mario is da boss at Ministry of Illusion, a highly regarded post…

WANDIE’S PLACE (SOWETO)

Do yourself a favour and go to Wandie’s Place, Soweto for lunch. Why? Because it is not the fucking Spur. GENEROSITY And Wandie greets you at the door with a smile and a glass of wine. He has built his business up since it was a shebeen in the 80’s. I took 2 friends there….

KRISMIS SKOP

I’ve been avoiding the Skop issue for months now. Samson (the homeless man I am taking care of) keeps asking for ‘Skop’ (Sheeps head) and I kept on making excuses. “Woolworths was sold out AGAIN!’ I offered, shaking my head at their incompetence. Samson was not impressed. “You don’t get it at Woolworths! You have…

THE VIEW, WESTCLIFF (FANCY)

  “Please wear shoes,” my friend pleaded. “The place is fancy.” Today, my dear friend Cathy Fontanot took me for lunch at ‘The View’, Westcliff. I figured, if I was going to wear shoes, I might as well wear my only pair of high heeled shoes and comb my hair. I wore my krismis frock…