CATCH A WAKE UP! PEOPLE BRANDISHING OLD SA FLAGS!

  I had a few minutes and a glass of wine left before sunset so I thought I’d have a rant about the recent ‘Black Monday’ protest. Fok! PEOPLE WHO WAVE THE OLD SA FLAG Ok, I support your right to wave whatever flag you want. I would even support a march where only old…

TANNIES ON DRUGS

Two white middle-aged women meet at Sandton for lunch. The conversation is not what you’d think.   “I might be a bit late,” texts the one. “I’m just doing a drug deal on the roof.” “Okay, what are you on?” “Cannabis oil, you?” “Magic Mushrooms.” I was privy to the whole tete-a-tete. Obviously, I did…

THE DAY ZUMPIE FELL!

I marched to Pretoria today. Never marched before. And I must say, I was humbled. I partook in a protest that had no race, no elitism, no classism, no comparing who is ‘better’ or ‘bigger’. 120,000 of us showed up – in our modesty, to march against Zumpie. So I have this to say: “Fuck…

JOU MA SE VRRRR PHA! MAKING LIKE A JAPANESE TOURIST IN SOWETO.

I’ve been to Soweto before, but not as a Japanese tourist. A lunch with a friend and make sure you leave before sundown and keep your finger on speed dial to ADT, type of thing. I know we always laugh at Japanese tourists who take photos of everything, but think of it this way: ‘Japanese…

BREAKFAST IN PARYS. THE LAST ‘MISS GAY RHODESIA’S EGGS

“Parys? The last time I was in Parys, I was on the way with 10 other moffies to go make kak in Kroonstad.” I had just asked Michael Crouse, the last Miss Gay Rhodesia to come to Parys (Free State) for breakfast. I wanted him to join me in a food and travel revue. “Are…

BLYDE RIVER CANYON: ‘THE CHINESE ARE EATING OUR CAR GUARDS!”

I haven’t travelled to a place without a Spur for a while. Even Dar Es Salaam had a Spur. But that’s the point, sometimes. Go to a place without a KFC, morning traffic or radio stations you always understand. I headed off to the Blyde River Canyon in Mpumalanga, South Africa. I needed a walk…

WHAT DO THE ANC, A PORRA MECHANIC AND A NIGERIAN HAVE IN COMMON?

You can’t trust any of them. Bastards, the whole lot of them. Sorry, what was that? “That comment is ‘racist”? Wrong. The comment is racist AND prejudicial AND, for in case you could not spot it – sexist. I’ll try to throw in some ageism and body shaming as well. Here’s the thing. I took…

PEOPLE I MET AT THE FAT FARM

The “Fat Farm’ aka Health Hydro is a place where you go to relax, detox or in my case, go for a few days in a desperate attempt to slow down the rapacious pace of my weight gain and the ever-growing list of addictions and compulsive eating and drinking behaviours threatening to tear my body…

ON THE TWELFTH FUCKING DAY OF CHRISTMAS, LIFE GAVE TO ME …. THIS KAK!

Do malingering gits who post about how ‘blessed’ and ‘grateful’ they are over Christmas, showing sparkly photos of joy and happiness also piss you off? Well then, this post is for you! I guarantee you, this post will make you feel much better about yourself than any motivational quote – because I am going to…